i’ve seen a lot of pro-ana blogs claim that anorexia will make them happy, pretty, lovely. it will give them friends and people will like them if they have anorexia.
the top picture is the last picture i have of me at a happy, healthy weight. i had been weight restored for nearly a year, after recovering from anorexia. i was getting ready to go to a party the night this was taken (the only party i’ve been to since).
i liked myself, i took care of myself, i nourished my body.
me when i was weight-restored/recovered is a lot like what pro-ana blogs think they will achieve by ‘getting’ anorexia.
now, a year later, here i am at the bottom picture. i’ve relapsed. i feel horrible all the time (physically & mentally).
i might not weigh as much as i did in the first picture, but i feel a million times bigger. every minute of every day is torture.
torture because i’m ripping my family apart. torture because i’m isolating myself. torture because i’m killing myself and i can’t stop. torture because anorexia physically hurts. i have to sit on pillows and i can’t wear a purse strap anymore because it’s excruciatingly painful. i can’t hug my boyfriend or hold my puppy.
an eating disorder won’t make you happy. an eating disorder will destroy you.